English IV SoD 17: Fix this sentence

How can you fix the following sentence to follow Model 2?

The Pioneer, an emblem of Saint

John’s, is a great mascot that

everyone rallies around at games.

As written, this sentence doesn't match model 2, parallel structure in a phrase of apposition. It does have a phrase of apposition--

an emblem of Saint John's

--which is a group of words beginning with a noun that renames the noun before it (Pioneer), but there needs to be a second part to the phrase of apposition to create parallel structure.

Here's a revision to that makes the sentence match the model:

At games, everyone rallies around the Pioneer, an emblem of Saint John's and a mascot for team spirit.

By ordering the sentence, it was easy to add a second part to my phrase of apposition!

English 4 SoD 13: Model Sentence 2

This is Model Sentence 2:

Students everywhere live in dread
of the summer reading test, an
assessment of how well they
understood the reading and of
how skilled they are at test-
taking. (Model 2: Parallel Structure in the
Phrase of Apposition)

For an audio lesson (recorded in class on 10/9), click here.

AP - Model Sentence 2

Now that you've completed Sentence Basics Lessons 1 to 5, let's put your skills to work modeling good sentence structure.

Click here for a video lesson explaining Model 2.

As catcher in the rye, Holden would make it his responsibility to prevent children from falling off the cliff, a symbol for becoming an adult and hence for becoming capable of evil. (Model 2: Parallel structure in the phrase of apposition)

For a student sample of Model 2, click here for a video by Brendan Maykel, Saint John's '21

You can find a sample by Ben Sagerian, Saint John's '21, at this link.

Click here for a link to a slide show with the rules for Model Sentences.

Credit for this Model Sentence goes to Mr. Vincent Vanston, originator of the Core Sentence writing program.